I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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