Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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