Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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