I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
