Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
