dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dick very happy bro
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
