No awkward lesbian experiences without me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
