I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
