This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
