Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she smelled like a LAN party
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
