You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
