I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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