It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They took my balls.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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