Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
