I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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