Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
