we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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