This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize