He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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