If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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