marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
