Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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