I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
