So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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