did you get engaged???
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
