i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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