Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
