All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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