I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
