She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
