The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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