new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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