I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
