omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
