my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
