i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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