i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize