My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
