is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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