dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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