if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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