This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize