When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
