Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
