Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
