Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
