I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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