i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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