i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
