I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I need moral support for this bender
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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