FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I look better un-naked...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize