Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize