I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sobbing to NWA
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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