The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
