Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize