I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
