i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
