Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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