I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i black out too much to be "responsible"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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