and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
