dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
