i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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