Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
