Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
