She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
