OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize