Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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