Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
