I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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