I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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