You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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