Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize